The leaves are still falling off of the trees as the first signs of winter appear in the form of flurries floating through the crisp autumn air. I have been at Ryerson University for the past two months pursuing my passion for photography and if I am honest, I have nothing to complain about. I am in love with my program, I have found some incredible friends that I think I could have forever and I am exploring myself for real for the first time in my whole life. But there's something I can't explain. There's something that is calling me away, distracting me from clarity. How can something feel so wrong when the puzzle pieces fit together perfectly? Maybe there's a piece missing from the middle that can't be found here. Maybe I haven't even found the whole puzzle yet and there's a whole section of myself I still ned to find. Uncertainty is never something I've been able to deal with well. I like plans and I like knowing how things will pan out. I follow my passions because they fill this space in my heart and my soul that I can't even describe with words.
One thing that I feel is pulling me away from studying photography is my passion. I feel like having a passion for something is great but maybe going to school for my passion isn't something that I want. Maybe it ruins the love I have for something and my vision for my photography becomes more lost than found. I feel like I am becoming lost in the space between love and work. That space has become too big and if that space is too big, work and passion cannot find each other on common ground. When your passion cannot be mixed with work, the gap increases. I can feel the gap widening with my uncertainty and I don't want to be lost in the darkness. Sure, I know photography will always make me happy but at what cost to my freedom and my mind?
There's some words to bite on for now. Here's some of my first semester work.
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| still life 101 |
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| convenience store still life |
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| levitating hangers |
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| production class 106 |
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